Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Dirty Facebook Status by

When someone says “I’ve got good news / bad news” I say gimme the bad news twice & stick the good news way up inside your asshole.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

I fall in love when I am drunk and I hate people when I am sober.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

Thanks for putting that inspirational quote on Facebook. It really inspired me. Inspired me to de-friend you.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

I don’t drink so that I’m more fun to be around. I drink so that you’re more fun to be around.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Funny Facebook Status by

Word of advice; never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Dirty Facebook Status by

Whenever you’re feeling down, remember, you’re the sperm that won.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

There is a time and place for everything. And it’s called college.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

It’s time to raise awareness about the dangers of using a credit card after drinking.

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

Don’t worry if you can’t remember what happened, Facebook will forever. (thanks, Timeline)

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Posted on the May 2nd, 2013 under Amazing Facebook Status by

Men bond by insulting each other, but they don’t really mean it. Women bond by complimenting each other, & they don’t mean it either.

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